Behind that Happiest Smile, Lies the Saddest Brown Eyes..

It's Life and Death

Sixteen years, two months, six days, and almost an hour ago when she first got robbed by fate. Fate took away the greatest treasure that a 10-year old girl can have. Fate said its time to part. Fate said it was time to go. But until now she still wonder, She still asks for reasonable explanations for those whys, because she's missing you, she's still missing you and she will always be missing you. 

When she look back on that day, she still remember, she can clearly remember. The day before it all happened, you played with her. Even in your weakest point you still managed to play with that porcelain doll you gave your little girl that Christmas before you left. 

How hard she wished for one more day,
Or one more hour, or another minute
With Her....

On that same day, you were brought to that building, when she first stepped in there, she knew deep down inside her there's something creepy with the place. She wanted to stay with you over the night but you begged her off to go home because she have school the next day(was that your plan so she won't see how painful the last minutes were?!). 

The next day came, she was not able to go to school, she pretended to be sick (maybe somehow she also felt what's about to come). Around 8 o'clock in the morning, she answered the phone, it's someone from that building, in a rush asking to speak to grandpa. After the phone call, they were suddenly gone with the wind. An hour or two passed by, while she was busy doing some art works, clueless with what happened, another relative came back. She was asked to dress up, she's needed in that building. No other words. She was deafened by the silence of that trip. She felt there's something wrong going on but they were too scared to tell her. They arrived in that building in almost 20-30 minutes, she did not hesitate to take the elevator. It's like someone's telling her to take that plight of stairs. The first step, her knees were already shaking, then the second until to almost fifteen steps to the first plight. As she climbed on the second plight of that stairs, her heart started to pound so fast, there's a lot of what ifs in her mind by that time. She successfully reached the floor. She walked to the first hallway to her right, then to the last door on her left in front of the ICU(ba talaga?!), she opened the door. There's a lot of them inside that room, it was so hard to find you. They are all bursting out with tears. That's when she cried out loud, she hugged you, she tried to wake you up, there was no response at all. She lost you in just a snap. 

It's hard portray you're
strong enough, when
deep inside you're
 tearing apart

On the night of that same day, the news spread out like wildfire, a mass of people came to grieve with the family you left behind. Around 10pm, the house was set up for a funeral, yellow lights were lit up, that red carpet on the floor, she didn't notice how they fixed it, but it was there she can see it. She wanted to throw it out, because she still can't believe it. She pinched herself, still hoping it's just a bad dream or a nightmare. But then, before the clock strikes one in the morning the next day, there you came, in a white box with gold lining. This is not a dream, she told herself. This is real and happening in front of her that very moment. From the time they set you up in between those yellow lights, then they opened the box to see you, it was you. It's really you. Your little girl, stand still in the corner of the room, her ignorant eyes, unaware of what's going to happen next. She's still praying until that time, that you'll rise up from that white box. But it never happened. It never did because from that day you were gone forever. 

Days passed, there's a lot of people grieved with the family you left. Your little girl still managed to play outdoor games with her friends, still injecting in her mind that you're just gone somewhere for a vacation or for work. From time to time she will sit with some of your visitors, she will be asked how is she, but she never learned how to open up. She does not know how to express the grief, sadness, loss, loneliness, hopelessness, angst, and the pain she was feeling inside of her. She will just nod or look further away from them or the worst tell them she's okay even though it's tearing her apart. That's it. That's how she responds until now.
On the last day of your wake, they held a mass for you. The priest started the story of life, death, and the purpose of everything. Her little ears listened very carefully on what he needs to say. So he said, life is temporary or just borrowed. Once our purpose in this life was fully done, then it will be our time to go. That the body depreciates in time and Death is just a separation of the soul to its body. That Death could be painful to those who will be left behind, but for those who died, death will be the beginning of a new life and the end of their suffering in this sinful world of ours. At first, this was hard to digest for a 10 year old mind, there were a lot of questions. Why does it have to be her? Why not anyone else? Why was the time so short? Was ten years with her long enough? She even came to a point where her faith was truly tested and questioned her God of the decision to take you away from her, she's just 10 and you're just 37(not even 40 when life begins). But then, who is she to question all the things that life throws at her. The reasons given to her was quite hard to understand and to accept but as time progresses, as she aged, and tasted life on her own, she learned to absorb all those words that the priest said to her. Life has its own purpose. Everyone has its own beginning and ending. From the time we were born, everything was already planned. We may not know when our time will come. But she's sure once this arrived it will be a fulfillment of one's life prophecy.

As for that little girl, hopefully, when

Hidden in her lonely
brown eyes..

she faces death again, it will be much easier for her to accept the same devastating moment like that. Hopefully, she won't have to feel alone again. I know it was so hard to move on for her. But then she partly made it. I know. She's stronger than what she thinks she is. I know she will survive. Knowing everything happens for a reason. Every person she came across with has a purpose in her life. Every event in her life teaches her a lesson that she will keep forever. We know losing someone in an untimely manner may hurt that much, but it also taught her on how to be strong enough to survive. How to pretend to be okay though you're not. How to put a pretty face despite the pain. And how to hide those saddest lines in her brown eyes.#

Truly a Painful Truth